Epic Sexual Chemistry Doesn't Equal Compatibility

"That person" with whom you have epic sexual chemistry and physical intimacy but who mistreats you isn’t meant to be or become your life partner.

"That person" with whom you have epic sexual chemistry and physical intimacy but who mistreats you isn’t meant to be or become your life partner. Intense chemistry is a peak experience. Sharing this experience with someone doesn’t mean you are compatible or have the same relational capacities. It’s crucial to recognize that intense attraction does not guarantee a healthy or sustainable relationship. The excitement and allure of these peak moments can create a false sense of connection that obscures the underlying issues.

Expecting "that person" with whom you have mind-blowing physical intimacy to be and become a viable relationship option goes against what the two of you have co-created. The two of you have co-created a peak experience.

This peak experience, while exhilarating, is often fleeting and not indicative of long-term compatibility. These moments are characterized by their intensity, but they lack the depth required for a lasting relationship. Hot, passionate, and wild sexual and physical intimacy is a peak experience. It’s outside the realm of normalcy. It’s arousing. It’s mind-altering. It’s psychologically addictive. That’s why you can’t let them go.

The intensity of these experiences creates a psychological dependency, making it difficult to detach. The brain craves the high, confusing it with deeper emotional needs. That’s why you want more. It isn’t about them. It isn’t about wanting to be with them. It’s about wanting more epic sexual and physical peak experiences. But none of us are meant to live in a peak experience. Living in a constant state of peak experience is unsustainable and unhealthy.

Love isn’t a peak experience. Amazing chemistry isn’t the sign of true love. Yes, peak sexual experiences are excellent - hot, dysregulated nervous system physical intimacy feels good. It feels better than good. I get it. It’s a rush that is hard to match, but it’s not a foundation for a lasting relationship. This is why it’s so important to distinguish between this temporary pleasure and the enduring qualities of a committed relationship.

The truth is that love, the kind that is soothing for your nervous system, is about co-creating a relational reality you don’t feel the urge to escape from.

When you receive love from someone honoring, kind, gentle, and consistent, you will feel less of an urge to escape. Intense peak sexual experience will feel less alluring, and this is because this type of love provides a stable foundation that reduces anxiety and the need for constant highs. It offers a sense of security.

Intense chemistry often tricks us into believing we have found our ideal partner. The thrill, the passion, and the sheer physical pleasure can overshadow the reality of how we are being treated. It’s essential to recognize that these peak experiences, while exhilarating, do not equate to long-term compatibility or emotional safety. Peak experiences are addictive. The rush of hormones, the intense emotions, and the physical pleasure create a high that we naturally want to chase. However, sustaining a relationship solely on these moments is impossible. Such relationships often lack the stability and mutual respect needed for a healthy, long-term partnership.

This is because true love, on the other hand, is grounded in stability, kindness, and mutual respect. It’s about creating a life together that you don’t feel the need to escape from. It’s not about the constant highs but about a steady, comforting presence that supports you through the ups and downs of life.

Desire does diminish in stable relationships. But this doesn’t mean sexual and physical intimacy needs to die. You can have epic sexual and physical intimacy even in the most stable of relationships; it is possible.

Maintaining this intimacy requires effort, communication, and a willingness to keep the connection alive.

You don’t need to escape into a chaotic hot-and-cold dating dynamic to have epic sexual and physical intimacy. The first step towards creating peak sexual experiences in a stable relationship is acknowledging that epic sexual and physical intimacy requires effort. It involves being intentional about your relationship and making a continuous effort to understand and fulfill each other’s needs.

It isn’t as easy with the person you have committed your life to as it might be with the people of your past. This is because what the two of you have consented to co-creating isn’t simply a peak sexual experience; the two of you have consented to co-creating a life together. This deeper commitment brings additional responsibilities and challenges, but also greater rewards.

Therefore, escaping reality and going into the realm of a peak experience together will be more challenging. You have more ties, tying you both to a shared reality.

But if you can do it, it will also be more fulfilling because when you exit the peak experience, you’ll still be connected to the person you co-created it with. The bond formed through shared experiences and mutual support can be incredibly strong.

And… you won’t be left wondering if you will ever see them again or who else they are sleeping with.