I reach for your writing for insight, balanced views, thoughtful critique of what's taken for granted as "wisdom". Thank you for your words. I feel like you have our backs.
I was listening to "Let Them" and I had to abandon it for this exact reason. I can't simply live in sterile self-sufficiency and have no needs, no emotions. I recently suffered a powerful heartbreak and the influencer message was, "Move on. He didn't choose you. Find someone who meets you where you are." And that is a fine message, but it overlooks an important part of the process, which is the heartbreak and grieving itself. The natural emotion that comes from a severed attachment, no matter whether the attachment was "healthy" or not. This attitude creates a rigid lack of openness, or a hair-trigger readiness to split at the first sign of conflict. Relationships aren't like that. They aren't "easy." But more than that, they require an element of vulnerability, even if guarded. "Let Them" suggests disinterest, or a lack of investment. Which... just isn't realistic to me.
I was going through a very emotional time when I read Mel Robbin's book, Let Them. My friend at the time was always promising to have coffee, go for walks with our dogs, then the final straw came, saying she booked her ticket to catch up from my at an event and didnt show up. When I heard she couldn't she had to clean her bathroom and wash her hair then go to a dance performance that was the last straw. I was mortified and hurt. She would catch up if nothing else popped up. That was enough, I had tried the "Let them" philosophy, and she never respected how she was treating her relationships. So I set up boundaries. We are now distant friends, can say hi in group situation and it has given me peace. I totally agree with this post.
I reach for your writing for insight, balanced views, thoughtful critique of what's taken for granted as "wisdom". Thank you for your words. I feel like you have our backs.
I was listening to "Let Them" and I had to abandon it for this exact reason. I can't simply live in sterile self-sufficiency and have no needs, no emotions. I recently suffered a powerful heartbreak and the influencer message was, "Move on. He didn't choose you. Find someone who meets you where you are." And that is a fine message, but it overlooks an important part of the process, which is the heartbreak and grieving itself. The natural emotion that comes from a severed attachment, no matter whether the attachment was "healthy" or not. This attitude creates a rigid lack of openness, or a hair-trigger readiness to split at the first sign of conflict. Relationships aren't like that. They aren't "easy." But more than that, they require an element of vulnerability, even if guarded. "Let Them" suggests disinterest, or a lack of investment. Which... just isn't realistic to me.
I was going through a very emotional time when I read Mel Robbin's book, Let Them. My friend at the time was always promising to have coffee, go for walks with our dogs, then the final straw came, saying she booked her ticket to catch up from my at an event and didnt show up. When I heard she couldn't she had to clean her bathroom and wash her hair then go to a dance performance that was the last straw. I was mortified and hurt. She would catch up if nothing else popped up. That was enough, I had tried the "Let them" philosophy, and she never respected how she was treating her relationships. So I set up boundaries. We are now distant friends, can say hi in group situation and it has given me peace. I totally agree with this post.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I know the feeling as well.