You Need More Than “Kindness” For Love to Last
Kindness is crucial, but it’s just the starting point—it’s the foundation of love, not the entirety.
You need more than “kindness” for love to last.
Love requires more than answered text messages, fun dates, a complimentary personality, plans that come to fruition, and shared laughter. Love requires desire, spontaneity, mystery, difference, authenticity, and genuine compatibility. Kindness is crucial, but it’s just the starting point—it’s the foundation, not the entirety.
In today’s dating world, you’ve likely experienced or heard about the deceit, love bombing, cheating, ghosting, and “situationships”—the kind of behaviors that can wear down your self-esteem and leave you questioning your worth. If you’ve felt your confidence eroded by these experiences, know you’re not alone. But no matter how much these encounters may have worn you down, it’s important not to let "kindness" become the only measure by which you choose your relationships.
Kindness can feel like a relief, especially after enduring the harsher aspects of modern dating. It’s easy to mistake the comfort of a kind person as a sign of something deeper, something more lasting. But kindness alone won’t sustain the passion, depth, or excitement that true love requires. It won’t keep conversations alive, ignite physical attraction, or build the kind of deep connection that makes you feel truly seen and understood. The kindness you encounter may soothe you after disappointing dates, but it won’t carry you into the kind of love you deeply crave.
Your body knows this. Yes, it reacts to kindness, but it also responds to connection, chemistry, and authenticity too. Maybe you’ve felt a sense of ease when someone treats you with kindness—your shoulders drop, your breath slows, your heart rate steadies. These are good signs, but they’re not the whole story. Ask yourself: Does your body also feel energized, alive, and excited in their presence? Do you feel a sense of anticipation, a spark that makes you want to lean in, to know more, to be more?
Your body’s signals are telling you what your mind might overlook.
I want you to know that in the same way your body responds to kindness subtly and often unconsciously, your body also responds to the subtleties of other energies and dynamics in a relationship—whether it's passion, tension, attraction, or even discomfort. Your body is constantly communicating with you, offering cues that go beyond what your mind can immediately grasp.
Think about how your body responds when you’re around someone who excites you, who challenges you in a good way, who makes you feel a deep sense of connection. Maybe your pulse quickens, your breath catches, or you feel a surge of warmth in your chest. These physical reactions are your body’s way of saying, “Pay attention—this is important.” On the flip side, perhaps you’ve noticed a lingering tightness in your stomach when you’re around someone who doesn’t quite align with you, even if they’re kind. That discomfort is also your body communicating—telling you that something isn’t right, that something deeper is missing.
Your body is incredibly attuned to the dynamics of relationships.
It picks up on subtleties that your conscious mind might not register immediately. For instance, have you ever been in a situation where someone is being kind, but you still feel uneasy? That’s your body sensing something beyond the surface—a lack of true connection, perhaps, or an underlying incompatibility. Your body is always processing, always responding to the energy of the people around you, often before your mind has had a chance to catch up.
So when you meet someone new, pay attention to more than just their kindness. Notice how your body feels in their presence. Do you feel energized, curious, and alive? Or do you feel a subtle pull back, a sense of something being off, even if you can’t quite put your finger on it? Your body’s reactions are crucial indicators, telling you whether this person truly resonates with you on a deeper level.
Let’s consider how your body holds the memory of your dating experiences.
The flutter in your stomach before a date, the tightening in your chest after an argument, the way your body tenses when you feel ignored or dismissed—these are not just fleeting sensations. They’re your body’s way of recording the emotional impact of your experiences. It’s important to listen to these physical cues. They can tell you more about the truth of your relationships than words ever could.
In relationships, your body often senses what’s right or wrong before your mind catches up. Perhaps in past relationships, you’ve noticed a persistent tension, a sense of unease, or a feeling of heaviness when you were with someone who was kind but didn’t truly connect with you on a deeper level. These sensations aren’t just random—they’re your body’s way of signaling that something is missing, that something vital isn’t being fulfilled.
Start paying attention to how your body feels in the presence of a potential partner. Notice if you feel relaxed but also alive, calm but also engaged. Kindness should create a sense of safety, but it should also leave room for excitement, for a spark that makes you want to be close, to learn more, to dive deeper. Your body’s reactions are an essential guide in discerning whether a relationship is truly what you most deeply desire and deserve.
Journal Prompts for Reflection:
Physical Awareness in Relationships: Reflect on a current or past relationship where kindness was present but something felt off. As you think about that relationship, where do you feel sensations in your body? Is there tightness, ease, warmth, or discomfort? What might these physical sensations be telling you about the deeper dynamics of that relationship?
Body Memory Exploration: Consider a time when you stayed in a relationship because the person was kind, even though you knew something was missing. How did your body react during that time? Did you notice tension, unease, or a sense of dullness? Explore how these bodily experiences influenced your decision to stay or leave.
Envisioning Your Ideal Relationship: Imagine a relationship that includes both kindness and deep connection. As you picture this, pay attention to how your body responds. Do you feel an expansion in your chest, a warmth in your heart, or a sense of lightness? Let these sensations guide you in understanding what kind of relationship will truly fulfill you.
Embodied Decision-Making: The next time you’re with a potential partner, take a moment to check in with your body. How does it feel in their presence? Are you relaxed, energized, or tense? What sensations arise in your chest, stomach, and limbs? Let these physical responses inform your understanding of the connection and whether it aligns with the love you’re seeking.