this spoke to the deepest parts of me, and what i’ve been healing through therapy, and alchemizing through my writing. thank you for so clearly and eloquently deciphering the layers of disorientation and rupture that betrayal inflicts on the psyche and body
We betray ourselves, we betray our innocent part. My sense of safety was damaged at an early age by my mother, and the betrayal from my partner was nothing compared to that one. My mother's wound was the one I needed to hear. Thank you for your post.
“there is nothing shameful about being someone who chooses connection.” How often that still feels shameful, even after lots of work. I remind myself that healing isn’t a linear process and some days and moments will still be hard. I’m still working on all this and it’s okay that I haven’t mastered it. This post had lots for me to digest and name what I experience. I appreciate you sharing it!
Your posts offer such striking clarity—they lay out the very patterns I’ve found myself in, and you present thoughtful, compassionate, and intelligent guidance forward. I’m deeply grateful. Your insights consistently resonate with me, and I always look forward to what you share. Thank you, truly.
This resonates with me so much Ailey in ways I've never really understood until I saw this written down. I never really trusted my Mum and never felt I could rely on her throughout my life. When I fell apart in my 60s, she told me I was 'affecting her mental health' and she couldn't see me. I went to her in person to reassure her that she wasn't the cause of my issues (fawning) and she died just 2 weeks later and I didn't have a chance to speak to her again as she was unconscious the whole time. Reading this helps me to understand why I felt such shame (as if it was my fault she could never support me) and the rage I buried, feeling she always made everything about her. Understanding this intellectually doesn't make it any less anxiety provoking, but I'm able to get closer to my truer feelings that I couldn't feel at the time. I really hope there'll be a time when my bodily sensations are less powerful! Thank you for this 🧡 Karen
OMG - as I sit here sobbing, I can't believe it's only 4 minutes since I started reading. Felt like 2 hours. Apparently this resonates with me, myself & I. So I will bring this up with my therapist - I'm so very tired. Ty
It's amazing what the body and nervous system can pick up on. The betrayal by my partner was felt first in the body before the truth eventually came out months later. I felt it for 2 months but convinced myself I must've been wrong. The body ALWAYS knows what the mind cannot fathom. Never ignore the body. It has been fine-tuned to keep us alive over millions of years. The brain could never...
Betrayal isn't just emotional—it's somatic. That tight throat, the frozen smile, the shame spiral? It’s your body trying to survive love turned unsafe.
The line that lingers: "I had betrayed myself in small, quiet ways..."
Yep. Been there. Made myself small to stay chosen.
But healing isn’t about fixing. It’s about returning—to the part of you that never stopped knowing.
Thank you for this. I could relate to the entire article, so beautifully accurate- the internal trauma, somatic memory , disorientation and particularly this passage ….
“What shifted wasn’t just understanding what happened it was learning to stay with the part of me that had once abandoned herself in order to be chosen. It meant recognizing that the betrayal wasn’t only external. I had betrayed myself in small, quiet ways overriding my instincts, silencing my discomfort, making myself palatable to preserve connection.”
Great read Ailey- thank you. Your writing resonates like turning over a fallen leaf and finding a new way of seeing.
Reflection: Makes sense especially if our sense of selfloved is based in external attachment and external validation, like most of us have. Then, it’s no wonder that betrayal totally understandably knocks us deep deep to our core.
What about when/if our foundations are built on internal connection and internal valuing, generating a stable flow of safeloved that we can reliably lean into for day to day wellness, and in particular when the shit hits the fan?
Living an embodied safeloved based in being true to what is true for us….
this spoke to the deepest parts of me, and what i’ve been healing through therapy, and alchemizing through my writing. thank you for so clearly and eloquently deciphering the layers of disorientation and rupture that betrayal inflicts on the psyche and body
We betray ourselves, we betray our innocent part. My sense of safety was damaged at an early age by my mother, and the betrayal from my partner was nothing compared to that one. My mother's wound was the one I needed to hear. Thank you for your post.
“there is nothing shameful about being someone who chooses connection.” How often that still feels shameful, even after lots of work. I remind myself that healing isn’t a linear process and some days and moments will still be hard. I’m still working on all this and it’s okay that I haven’t mastered it. This post had lots for me to digest and name what I experience. I appreciate you sharing it!
Awe thank you!! Me tooo!!!
https://open.substack.com/pub/kathyparkerwriter/p/the-mother-wound-uncovering-the-epicentre?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1tsndc
Your posts offer such striking clarity—they lay out the very patterns I’ve found myself in, and you present thoughtful, compassionate, and intelligent guidance forward. I’m deeply grateful. Your insights consistently resonate with me, and I always look forward to what you share. Thank you, truly.
Awe thank you so much! So happy you are here
This resonates with me so much Ailey in ways I've never really understood until I saw this written down. I never really trusted my Mum and never felt I could rely on her throughout my life. When I fell apart in my 60s, she told me I was 'affecting her mental health' and she couldn't see me. I went to her in person to reassure her that she wasn't the cause of my issues (fawning) and she died just 2 weeks later and I didn't have a chance to speak to her again as she was unconscious the whole time. Reading this helps me to understand why I felt such shame (as if it was my fault she could never support me) and the rage I buried, feeling she always made everything about her. Understanding this intellectually doesn't make it any less anxiety provoking, but I'm able to get closer to my truer feelings that I couldn't feel at the time. I really hope there'll be a time when my bodily sensations are less powerful! Thank you for this 🧡 Karen
My absolute honour!! Thank you so much for being here and sharing!!
thank you for this.... i'm gonna send this to my psychiatrist tomorrow....
OMG - as I sit here sobbing, I can't believe it's only 4 minutes since I started reading. Felt like 2 hours. Apparently this resonates with me, myself & I. So I will bring this up with my therapist - I'm so very tired. Ty
for yr clear communication & giving me hope.
It's amazing what the body and nervous system can pick up on. The betrayal by my partner was felt first in the body before the truth eventually came out months later. I felt it for 2 months but convinced myself I must've been wrong. The body ALWAYS knows what the mind cannot fathom. Never ignore the body. It has been fine-tuned to keep us alive over millions of years. The brain could never...
This hit like a truth dart to the gut.
Betrayal isn't just emotional—it's somatic. That tight throat, the frozen smile, the shame spiral? It’s your body trying to survive love turned unsafe.
The line that lingers: "I had betrayed myself in small, quiet ways..."
Yep. Been there. Made myself small to stay chosen.
But healing isn’t about fixing. It’s about returning—to the part of you that never stopped knowing.
Your words are always so timely and deeply validating. Thanks for your work 💗
Thank you for this. I could relate to the entire article, so beautifully accurate- the internal trauma, somatic memory , disorientation and particularly this passage ….
“What shifted wasn’t just understanding what happened it was learning to stay with the part of me that had once abandoned herself in order to be chosen. It meant recognizing that the betrayal wasn’t only external. I had betrayed myself in small, quiet ways overriding my instincts, silencing my discomfort, making myself palatable to preserve connection.”
I have been struggling to understand my feelings. You have so clearly made the opaque clear. I am very grateful for you sharing this.
Your words create a shared understanding of what I have felt and have experienced. . A powerful read. Thank you. ❤️
“ back to the part of us that never stopped knowing what was true.”
Great read Ailey- thank you. Your writing resonates like turning over a fallen leaf and finding a new way of seeing.
Reflection: Makes sense especially if our sense of selfloved is based in external attachment and external validation, like most of us have. Then, it’s no wonder that betrayal totally understandably knocks us deep deep to our core.
What about when/if our foundations are built on internal connection and internal valuing, generating a stable flow of safeloved that we can reliably lean into for day to day wellness, and in particular when the shit hits the fan?
Living an embodied safeloved based in being true to what is true for us….