This post is incredible, as a survivor also and happily on the easier side of my healing journey with this, I thought I knew most things about the body and and the trauma responses. Fawning is my systems default.
What I wasn't aware of, was the possibility of orgasm even during an assault! This has shone light onto memories that still held some confusion and shame for me. Thank you so so much. I have shared your post with others - the wisdom here really needs to be common knowledge! 💃💜
Orgasm during assault is scary. Especially if one is sexually abused as a child. As you know what’s happening is wrong while it feels good at the same time. Hard to reconcile and overcome.
As both a survivor and a therapist working with survivors, I am so happy I found you and your work! You articulate so brilliantly so many of the things i have noticed in my practice as a drama therapist. I work well with people who froze and that's most women. Like you said, we were not socialized to fight ( i think that is changing for this generation? gosh I hope so! ) I will be sharing and quoting your work wide and far! Thanks for giving me hope in the thoughts that I've had over the years and the work I am doing and have been doing.
This is something every women should be made aware of. It’s simple and powerful. I love how you explain things - simply. It leaves the reader armed with knowledge and varying perspectives. This is what education looks like. Thank you for your service and work here. You are a star 🌟
Such an incredible, empowering read. It took me 2 years of intense therapy to get to the point where I felt safe enough to come back to my body, after 35 years of not even realising that I hadn't been present. The level of dissociation I've experienced for most of my life is something I'm only just learning to process. And I've only been able to do that by realising that I have nothing to be ashamed of - I survived, and that's something to be in awe of.
I have been through this journey and something that helped me was taking a live class on self pleasure, learning how to rediscover my body by myself. Shout out to “Good For Her” in Toronto!
I’m still struggling to validate this for myself. It’s so helpful to read this and know I’m not alone. Fawning is not talked about enough! Thank you ❤️
I feel physically ill just reading this. Even though the divorce was final in 2013. My body is asking me, when will women learn to respect themselves? Maybe that's the question my mind needs to hear- there must be more work to do there. Oh. My.
Great, informative post. 70% of the time in sexual assault situations, the freeze response--that natural, automatic survival response--occurs. It is NOT consent. It is an immediate, automatic nervous system response operating in the service of our survival. I don't know the percentage of times the fawn response occurs, as I don't know if it has been as well researched, but would be eager to learn. In the past, and still now, this very natural ANS survival response of stillness or freeze has been routinely and unfairly used against survivors in court and mistaken for consent. Let me say it again; It is NOT consent. I have so many thoughts and feelings about all of this. Thanks for bringing light to these important issues. Affirmative consent laws are a game changer. And still not enough.
This post is incredible, as a survivor also and happily on the easier side of my healing journey with this, I thought I knew most things about the body and and the trauma responses. Fawning is my systems default.
What I wasn't aware of, was the possibility of orgasm even during an assault! This has shone light onto memories that still held some confusion and shame for me. Thank you so so much. I have shared your post with others - the wisdom here really needs to be common knowledge! 💃💜
Thank you so much for sharing, being here and commenting. It means so much to me. ❤️
Orgasm during assault is scary. Especially if one is sexually abused as a child. As you know what’s happening is wrong while it feels good at the same time. Hard to reconcile and overcome.
I am really appreciating the clarity and potency of your writing Ailey. Thanks for expressing this so eloquently
As both a survivor and a therapist working with survivors, I am so happy I found you and your work! You articulate so brilliantly so many of the things i have noticed in my practice as a drama therapist. I work well with people who froze and that's most women. Like you said, we were not socialized to fight ( i think that is changing for this generation? gosh I hope so! ) I will be sharing and quoting your work wide and far! Thanks for giving me hope in the thoughts that I've had over the years and the work I am doing and have been doing.
This is something every women should be made aware of. It’s simple and powerful. I love how you explain things - simply. It leaves the reader armed with knowledge and varying perspectives. This is what education looks like. Thank you for your service and work here. You are a star 🌟
As a survivor of early childhood sexual abuse, I wonder what safety feels like in my body.
This speaks so loudly to me
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and a violent rape I’m still at the point where returning to my body is not safe
I question my actions both in childhood and as an adult. I too have said the words ‘I didn’t say no and I didn’t fight’
However reading this has made me realise that due to my conditioning as a child I was never going to. I did what I had to do to survive
So now I need to take that control back and slowly gain the confidence to be me. A me that knows for certain that they will never hurt me again x
Such an incredible, empowering read. It took me 2 years of intense therapy to get to the point where I felt safe enough to come back to my body, after 35 years of not even realising that I hadn't been present. The level of dissociation I've experienced for most of my life is something I'm only just learning to process. And I've only been able to do that by realising that I have nothing to be ashamed of - I survived, and that's something to be in awe of.
Thank you for sharing this.
This is a gift 💟.
I so appreciate the tenderness that flows through what you share.
I have been through this journey and something that helped me was taking a live class on self pleasure, learning how to rediscover my body by myself. Shout out to “Good For Her” in Toronto!
Thank you 🤗
I’m still struggling to validate this for myself. It’s so helpful to read this and know I’m not alone. Fawning is not talked about enough! Thank you ❤️
Thank you for sharing this!
Woman! You are gold poured forth into the chalice of my broken and unbounded heart.
One minute into the read, the tears came…I’ve been waiting for them. 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
I feel physically ill just reading this. Even though the divorce was final in 2013. My body is asking me, when will women learn to respect themselves? Maybe that's the question my mind needs to hear- there must be more work to do there. Oh. My.
Thank you.
I feel your words. They are also etched in my body. ❤️❤️❤️
Freeze and shutdown are not acknowledged in the legal system…..most people are unaware of it.
Thank you Ailey. Wise and kind words, a truly compassionate approach
Great, informative post. 70% of the time in sexual assault situations, the freeze response--that natural, automatic survival response--occurs. It is NOT consent. It is an immediate, automatic nervous system response operating in the service of our survival. I don't know the percentage of times the fawn response occurs, as I don't know if it has been as well researched, but would be eager to learn. In the past, and still now, this very natural ANS survival response of stillness or freeze has been routinely and unfairly used against survivors in court and mistaken for consent. Let me say it again; It is NOT consent. I have so many thoughts and feelings about all of this. Thanks for bringing light to these important issues. Affirmative consent laws are a game changer. And still not enough.