Your insights affirm why I felt so disconnected and wrong in the presence of positive grounded healers and followers. That’s not in contradiction to your conclusion. I just think there’s a process to getting there.
When dropping in to how we feel in our bodies, there always seemed to be this pressure to feel and calm. Immediately. No room or time for grief, anger, resentment, disappointment. Being in a roomful of spiritual bypassers felt disingenuous to me. Like we skipped a step. I realize not everyone has that kind of trauma, but still…when it seems only positive feelings were allowed, it felt like a betrayal to me. Not honoring why we felt hurt or our responses to that hurt. How can we honor ourselves, believe ourselves, trust ourselves if we do not recognize the strength it took to survive, even if those survival instincts became maladaptive.
I appreciate your sharings so much. They are affirming. There are many in the psych field, counselors, therapists, social workers, that would benefit from these teachings.
Mhmmmm yes. Slowly, slowly, I hope my colleagues in the psych field start to understand the potency of the body. Thank you for sharing and being HERE. It means so much to me-truly. x
You speak my language so deeply . In my life path and soul calling, in my inner discovery of such early tender patterns and as mother to a deeply traumatized adopted daughter. I’m so grateful to have found your writing here
I’m going to save this to send to friends/partners because I have such a hard time explaining to them what’s going on, but you explain it so well! Thank you!
As I've learned to take the blindfolds off and feel the feelings held by my bartered parts, I have uncovered an ocean of grief and resentment. It has become almost paralyzing. The relationships that were held together by my compliant, numb, fawning are almost unbearable now, but I don't have the skills to express my resentment without exploding. It is so painful. I'm struggling even in healthy relationships with a pervading feeling of bitterness and resentment. I am in therapy and working on it, but it's so painful, and not who I know myself to be.
I have felt similarly. It can be scary. The intense negativity. But it is a process. This is your now, not your new normal. You are moving through it. Becoming. Evolving.
As one that impaired her relationship with her daughter in my process of learning and healing, I know how scary it can be. Everything felt ruined.
But there was healing and repair. Rebuilding. And lots and lots of humbled love that came out of the process.
My example is just a reminder to give yourself grace and time.
I absolutely know this to be true and I feel it in my body. I heard myself apologising the other day and I said 'I just didn't want to bother you' and I've become aware that I was protecting myself and repeating old reactive patterns. The only way that awareness became conscious was because I kept listening to my body, keeping my mind quiet and being patient. I knew my body would tell me what I was doing, but it takes practice, repetition and trust in my body. So many patterns of behaviour buried so deeply that I didn't know were there. Slowly learning to trust my body and knowing it's a safe place. Really grateful for this Ailey, thank you 🙏 Karen
I needed to read this this morning when I did. This articulated absolutely everything that has been going on with me, I thought all of my “healing” was coming to an end because I had faced it, talked about it and seen a counsellor for the last 9 years. What I didn’t realize is that talking about past traumas does not equal being healed from them. Feelings are stuck and this is exactly it. Not quite being “here” in the moment, not feeling.
Thank you so much for putting to words what I’ve been noticing. I’m grateful I have a therapist who has been teaching me how to be with my feelings and not immediately regulate them. I didn’t know that is what she was teaching me but now I have the words and I can’t wait to unpack some of this with her!
This is so beautifully written. As someone living with extreme gastroparesis and extreme dysphagia from stored trauma, I understand and have lived out every word you've written. Understanding it is one thing and embodying a new path is another. I am still healing and learning how to reclaim my truth, my boundaries, my body, my life. I love what you speak to at the end about returning to healthy relationships. Do you by any chance know of any recommended readings around this? I'm reading Deb Dana's "Anchored", but am searching for something that digs more into returning to healthy romantic relationship (one day-not today). Love this blog and am so glad to have found your space here. Thank you so much for sharing 🖤
100% truth in my embodied experience. Until I learned what safety and unconditional love felt like in my body, I did not have the clarity and courage to leave a relationship which had always felt, and truly was, unsafe.
Thank you for bringing this 'revolutionary' knowledge to a larger number of people through your writing. As a teenage survivor who was hospitalized in 1975 and sent back to a harming foster home with no diagnosis of PTSD because only war vets were given that diagnosis back then - I was given tremendous freedom once the 'trauma in the body' work of Peter Levine and Van der Kolk began. I have worked with several SE and somatic therapists and found the most intimate spaces of 'holding' (often in hiding as well) that allowed me to survive under extreme violence, neglect and deprivation. I was bestowed the 'survival gift' of visual acuity as a little one and wandered in awe in deserted places where light and shadowed danced freely. I still survive mostly by loving little spaces of colour and light. That is where I find not only joy, but safety in my body.
I am so glad I have found your page! You've put into words what I have felt for years and have explored with my therapist. It can often feel like an isolating experience, despite how common it is amongst people.
The topics that you discuss, especially when it comes to nervous system regulation, are often overlooked, dismissed, or misunderstood in many communities (psychology, spirituality, etc). Thank you for giving an informed voice to it!
Your insights affirm why I felt so disconnected and wrong in the presence of positive grounded healers and followers. That’s not in contradiction to your conclusion. I just think there’s a process to getting there.
When dropping in to how we feel in our bodies, there always seemed to be this pressure to feel and calm. Immediately. No room or time for grief, anger, resentment, disappointment. Being in a roomful of spiritual bypassers felt disingenuous to me. Like we skipped a step. I realize not everyone has that kind of trauma, but still…when it seems only positive feelings were allowed, it felt like a betrayal to me. Not honoring why we felt hurt or our responses to that hurt. How can we honor ourselves, believe ourselves, trust ourselves if we do not recognize the strength it took to survive, even if those survival instincts became maladaptive.
I appreciate your sharings so much. They are affirming. There are many in the psych field, counselors, therapists, social workers, that would benefit from these teachings.
Mhmmmm yes. Slowly, slowly, I hope my colleagues in the psych field start to understand the potency of the body. Thank you for sharing and being HERE. It means so much to me-truly. x
This piece is powerful with hard learned understanding. Thank you for sharing your skills, your writing and your voice. 🌷
This nearly made me cry. Well, it would've, if my body remembered how to
Mhmmm I feel this. Thank you for sharing x
You speak my language so deeply . In my life path and soul calling, in my inner discovery of such early tender patterns and as mother to a deeply traumatized adopted daughter. I’m so grateful to have found your writing here
Thank you for sharing and being here ❤️ sending you a gentle 🫂
Thank you
I’m going to save this to send to friends/partners because I have such a hard time explaining to them what’s going on, but you explain it so well! Thank you!
As I've learned to take the blindfolds off and feel the feelings held by my bartered parts, I have uncovered an ocean of grief and resentment. It has become almost paralyzing. The relationships that were held together by my compliant, numb, fawning are almost unbearable now, but I don't have the skills to express my resentment without exploding. It is so painful. I'm struggling even in healthy relationships with a pervading feeling of bitterness and resentment. I am in therapy and working on it, but it's so painful, and not who I know myself to be.
I wish I could send you so much tenderness and care. x
I have felt similarly. It can be scary. The intense negativity. But it is a process. This is your now, not your new normal. You are moving through it. Becoming. Evolving.
As one that impaired her relationship with her daughter in my process of learning and healing, I know how scary it can be. Everything felt ruined.
But there was healing and repair. Rebuilding. And lots and lots of humbled love that came out of the process.
My example is just a reminder to give yourself grace and time.
I absolutely know this to be true and I feel it in my body. I heard myself apologising the other day and I said 'I just didn't want to bother you' and I've become aware that I was protecting myself and repeating old reactive patterns. The only way that awareness became conscious was because I kept listening to my body, keeping my mind quiet and being patient. I knew my body would tell me what I was doing, but it takes practice, repetition and trust in my body. So many patterns of behaviour buried so deeply that I didn't know were there. Slowly learning to trust my body and knowing it's a safe place. Really grateful for this Ailey, thank you 🙏 Karen
My absolute honour
I needed to read this this morning when I did. This articulated absolutely everything that has been going on with me, I thought all of my “healing” was coming to an end because I had faced it, talked about it and seen a counsellor for the last 9 years. What I didn’t realize is that talking about past traumas does not equal being healed from them. Feelings are stuck and this is exactly it. Not quite being “here” in the moment, not feeling.
Working directly with the body helps in ways the other techniques often can't. But it is important to find a therapist of integrity and wisdom.
That was beautiful in a way that I could feel. Like a deep breath. Thank you.
Thank you so much for putting to words what I’ve been noticing. I’m grateful I have a therapist who has been teaching me how to be with my feelings and not immediately regulate them. I didn’t know that is what she was teaching me but now I have the words and I can’t wait to unpack some of this with her!
This is so beautifully written. As someone living with extreme gastroparesis and extreme dysphagia from stored trauma, I understand and have lived out every word you've written. Understanding it is one thing and embodying a new path is another. I am still healing and learning how to reclaim my truth, my boundaries, my body, my life. I love what you speak to at the end about returning to healthy relationships. Do you by any chance know of any recommended readings around this? I'm reading Deb Dana's "Anchored", but am searching for something that digs more into returning to healthy romantic relationship (one day-not today). Love this blog and am so glad to have found your space here. Thank you so much for sharing 🖤
100% truth in my embodied experience. Until I learned what safety and unconditional love felt like in my body, I did not have the clarity and courage to leave a relationship which had always felt, and truly was, unsafe.
Thank you for articulating this so clearly. 💪🏼🌸
You never had to try for love. You are love.
Thank you for bringing this 'revolutionary' knowledge to a larger number of people through your writing. As a teenage survivor who was hospitalized in 1975 and sent back to a harming foster home with no diagnosis of PTSD because only war vets were given that diagnosis back then - I was given tremendous freedom once the 'trauma in the body' work of Peter Levine and Van der Kolk began. I have worked with several SE and somatic therapists and found the most intimate spaces of 'holding' (often in hiding as well) that allowed me to survive under extreme violence, neglect and deprivation. I was bestowed the 'survival gift' of visual acuity as a little one and wandered in awe in deserted places where light and shadowed danced freely. I still survive mostly by loving little spaces of colour and light. That is where I find not only joy, but safety in my body.
I am so glad I have found your page! You've put into words what I have felt for years and have explored with my therapist. It can often feel like an isolating experience, despite how common it is amongst people.
The topics that you discuss, especially when it comes to nervous system regulation, are often overlooked, dismissed, or misunderstood in many communities (psychology, spirituality, etc). Thank you for giving an informed voice to it!
Thank you.
My honour