This is so challenging, but so helpful. I can see myself here, knowing so much about everything, but censoring myself too. I do feel I'm trying to 'heal' in a way that's acceptable to others, but there's also a part of me that feels the need to ROAR! Thank you so much for this 💗 Karen
Thank you. This is so vital. I am very much enjoying the interweaving of the therapeutic with the sociocultural awareness: I’m overly educated in the latter and so see so many issues with many forms of therapy (so individualistic!) that this is a breath of very affirming fresh air. ☺️
Love the way you have expressed this seemingly increasing trend and focus on "healing = looking put together" (or some other version of this). The weaponisation of self-awareness.
I remember getting serious about my healing journey in my early 20's, and the instagram 'how to's' on being a 'conscious, integrated, and healed' human led to a full blown pseudo self and a rupture in connection, permission and safety to connect authentically and honestly. It took me a long time, which is an ongoing practice, to create space for the real expression.
This helps to be acknowledge that in some of my deepest rages and most painful grief I feel so fucking alive … and then I think what is wrong with me ? But maybe it’s not wrong maybe it’s just me ❤️
Such an important part of the conversation! Healing is imperfect and downright messy: ugly crying, punching pillows, a day spent exhausted from unlocking difficult memories. Sometimes I feel like a lot of the online content around healing is just another way of reinforcing the idea that I am a project to be completed at some point, to become this ideal, "perfect" version of myself in the end, tied up in an Instagram aesthetic. But that's not how it works in my experience.
Lots of good food for thought! I see why asking "Is this the correct response?" is a loaded and sometimes misguided question, but I'm curious if you think it has a place for neurodiverse/autistic people.
I suspect I might be autistic (not interested in getting an official diagnosis the way things are going in the US), and my whole life, I feel like I've been asking myself (and sometimes therapists, friends, etc.), "What is the correct response?" "What does a normal person feel in this situation?"
I do realize that I don't have to feel the "normal"/"correct" response, but it's helpful to know what other people might be expecting from me so I can explain why I might be feeling differently.
Often I find myself too afraid to know what I really feel inside. Too afraid that in reality I’d rather run away from my life, or rage at everyone. Have nobody left. Afraid I might implode if I don’t feel what I feel.
This article is amazing. I saved it and I will use the questions you offered. Thank you so much.
I’ve not felt so seen until I started reading your posts. They’re akin to suddenly finding someone that speaks my language, unknowing my language even existed. Quite mind blowing. Thank you for sharing these truths. I look forward to reading more
Thank you. One other thing I would like to add is that in my personal experience, the “performance” aspect was also related to trying to be safe. I grew up (I’m 70) believing in the role of good girl as the path to strength, integrity and protection. Of course, life taught me differently. And my sense of my integrity and strength has grown over the years; but I still struggle with my sense of safety in a patriarchal and gun-crazy country. This weekend’s murder of Representative Hortman reminded me of how deeply that runs in my psyche.
This is so challenging, but so helpful. I can see myself here, knowing so much about everything, but censoring myself too. I do feel I'm trying to 'heal' in a way that's acceptable to others, but there's also a part of me that feels the need to ROAR! Thank you so much for this 💗 Karen
ROAR ROAR ROAR 💛!!
What a powerful piece of writing, thank you for giving this space to be heard, felt and shared
My absolute honour.... truly x
Thank you. This is so vital. I am very much enjoying the interweaving of the therapeutic with the sociocultural awareness: I’m overly educated in the latter and so see so many issues with many forms of therapy (so individualistic!) that this is a breath of very affirming fresh air. ☺️
Love the way you have expressed this seemingly increasing trend and focus on "healing = looking put together" (or some other version of this). The weaponisation of self-awareness.
I remember getting serious about my healing journey in my early 20's, and the instagram 'how to's' on being a 'conscious, integrated, and healed' human led to a full blown pseudo self and a rupture in connection, permission and safety to connect authentically and honestly. It took me a long time, which is an ongoing practice, to create space for the real expression.
Wow. Beautiful piece and I so needed this today.
Thank you!! 💛
Wow this was amazing and powerful , thank you
This helps to be acknowledge that in some of my deepest rages and most painful grief I feel so fucking alive … and then I think what is wrong with me ? But maybe it’s not wrong maybe it’s just me ❤️
I love and greatly value the journal prompts at the end of many of your posts. They invite deeper conversation with ourselves and I hope to see more.
Also I was going to end my sentence with an exclamation point, and then thought perhaps that too is some female conditioning…:) it runs deep
Ouch ouch ouch ouch
Feel that!
Such an important part of the conversation! Healing is imperfect and downright messy: ugly crying, punching pillows, a day spent exhausted from unlocking difficult memories. Sometimes I feel like a lot of the online content around healing is just another way of reinforcing the idea that I am a project to be completed at some point, to become this ideal, "perfect" version of myself in the end, tied up in an Instagram aesthetic. But that's not how it works in my experience.
Lots of good food for thought! I see why asking "Is this the correct response?" is a loaded and sometimes misguided question, but I'm curious if you think it has a place for neurodiverse/autistic people.
I suspect I might be autistic (not interested in getting an official diagnosis the way things are going in the US), and my whole life, I feel like I've been asking myself (and sometimes therapists, friends, etc.), "What is the correct response?" "What does a normal person feel in this situation?"
I do realize that I don't have to feel the "normal"/"correct" response, but it's helpful to know what other people might be expecting from me so I can explain why I might be feeling differently.
Often I find myself too afraid to know what I really feel inside. Too afraid that in reality I’d rather run away from my life, or rage at everyone. Have nobody left. Afraid I might implode if I don’t feel what I feel.
This article is amazing. I saved it and I will use the questions you offered. Thank you so much.
Beautiful and powerful. Resonated and is very timely. Thank you for writing this piece.
These words, thank you, thank you, thank you 💛
I’ve not felt so seen until I started reading your posts. They’re akin to suddenly finding someone that speaks my language, unknowing my language even existed. Quite mind blowing. Thank you for sharing these truths. I look forward to reading more
Thank you. One other thing I would like to add is that in my personal experience, the “performance” aspect was also related to trying to be safe. I grew up (I’m 70) believing in the role of good girl as the path to strength, integrity and protection. Of course, life taught me differently. And my sense of my integrity and strength has grown over the years; but I still struggle with my sense of safety in a patriarchal and gun-crazy country. This weekend’s murder of Representative Hortman reminded me of how deeply that runs in my psyche.