When Regulation Becomes Compliance: The Subtle Betrayal of Somatics

The wellness world tells us to breathe through discomfort. But what if presence is not about tolerance — but about knowing when to say no?

There is a dangerous misunderstanding circulating in the wellness world right now. Nervous system regulation has become a catchphrase—casually tossed into conversations and stamped onto nearly every offering in the self-help space. In every corner of wellness, we are taught that if we breathe deeply enough, ground consistently enough, and meditate just a little longer, we will be able to meet every hard and harsh moment life throws our way with serene neutrality.

I want you to know: this isn’t true.

Beneath this false promise lies something far more insidious. In our rush to self-soothe, we risk severing ourselves from something sacred — the body’s instinctive knowing.

True somatic work was never intended to make us endlessly calm. It was designed to return us to right relationship — with ourselves, with the world, and with the irreducible wisdom that lives within sensation. That wisdom does not always whisper be still. Sometimes, it says this is intolerable. And sometimes, it demands that we rise.

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The wellness world has fallen in love with nervous system language.

Regulate. Reset. Return to calm.

Everywhere we turn, we are offered the same alluring promise: that if we just breathe deeply enough, ground consistently enough, and master the art of mindfulness, we will be able to meet every rupture with ease. The message is clear — regulation will save us. If we work hard enough, we can soften our triggers, dissolve discomfort, and turn distress into grace.

But this is not true. And more importantly, this was never the purpose of somatic practices.

Somatic psychology was never meant to dissolve our pain or make us easier to digest. It was never meant to help us swallow what should make us sick, or teach us to sit quietly while harm continues. It was not created so we could remain composed while something deep inside screams no. Nor was it ever intended to turn us away from the raw, painful truths that live both in our bodies and in the world.

As a somatic psychologist, I want you to know: regulation has never been the goal. Regulation was never about becoming so steady that cruelty feels acceptable. It was never about softening ourselves until our boundaries disappear, or smoothing over the instinct that rises and says, not this.

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At its essence, regulation is not an endpoint — it is a resource. It creates enough internal steadiness for us to meet life honestly, not to numb ourselves to what must be faced. It is not a tool for digesting oppressive systems with grace. At times, yes, regulation may make intolerable realities easier to sit with. But when ease becomes complicity, something vital has been lost. Tolerating what should never be tolerated is not healing. It is adaptation — and adaptation, while once necessary, can become a cage.

True regulation is not passive. It does not train us to endure. It anchors us so we can remain present, not to accept what wounds us, but to respond when response is required. It supports our aliveness, so we can recognize when survival is no longer enough — and when something more courageous, more disruptive, is being asked of us.

A regulated nervous system does not erase injustice. It does not soften misogyny, neutralize racism, or quiet the devastation of climate collapse. What it offers is presence — not as permission to accept what harms us, but as clarity fierce and grounded enough to know when the moment calls not for calm, but for refusal.

Regulation roots us in that knowing. It does not make us tolerant of the intolerable. It makes us available — to intervene, to protect, to defend what matters most. It reminds us that survival alone was never the point. Embodied aliveness, in its fullest expression, is not about stillness. It is about rising when rising is required.

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To reduce somatics to self-soothing is to betray its roots.

This work was never about bypassing our rage or quieting our grief for the sake of appearing healed. It was never about becoming so endlessly calm that we could overlook the world’s violences and call that presence. No — somatics was born from the wisdom that the body is where our knowing lives. And often, that knowing tells us: this cannot stand.

We need that knowing now more than ever. In the face of eco-collapse, rising authoritarianism, reproductive violence, and the ongoing erosion of basic human rights, the world is not asking us to be more serene. It is asking us to stay awake. We need bodies that refuse to normalize cruelty. Bodies that can metabolize fear without collapsing into despair or compliance. Bodies that are grounded enough to hold grief and fierce enough to set boundaries, say no, and protect what is sacred.

This is the paradox of somatic practices.

Regulation does not replace resistance — it supports it. It allows us to stay present, not so we can endure what harms us, but so we can rise to meet what must be challenged. The point was never endless poise. The point was never performance. The point was presence. Embodied presence. Awake enough to recognize when survival has kept us silent for too long, and connected enough to choose something different.

Somatic psychology, in its truest form, does not ask us to abandon ourselves to stillness. It asks us to come home to ourselves, so deeply and so honestly, that we know exactly when to say: this is not okay. And when that moment comes, it offers us the capacity — and the courage — to act from the wisdom of the body that has always known.

In a culture that mistakes quietness for healing, the most radical act may be to trust your body's refusal.

• What does your body know is no longer tolerable?

• Where have you been regulating yourself into silence — and where might it be time to let your instinct rise?

This is the real invitation of somatic practices: not endless regulation, but embodied refusal when refusal is what is required.

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